i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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