Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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