Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
