i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
