Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
