Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
