Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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