After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I stole a fireplace last night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
