im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
