I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
