Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How naked do you want me to be?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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