I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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