WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
