Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
