we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Can you bring me the toilet please
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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