One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
