I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
