chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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