party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
