So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
