So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
