I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
