This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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