Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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