she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
