You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
