No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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