i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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