I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
