You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
