we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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