I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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