Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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