I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
