I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
