i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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