The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
