38 yer olds are good kisserssss
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
