The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
