I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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