office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
