im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
