I just pynch a tree in the face
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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