If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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