Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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