i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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