Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
