So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
