he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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