The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
