I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
