it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize