There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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