i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
