I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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