Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
