I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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