I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
