there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
