hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
