And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
