this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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