Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
