he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Drunk is a universal language darling
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
