I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
