just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The ass gains better be worth it
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